My own story is different but has similarities – over a period of time I had become my daughter’s main carer as her mother simply left most of the care to me. After several incidents of domestic violence against me I called time and started divorce proceedings and applied to the courts for an interim residence order. The mother didn’t wait around but moved out with my daughter before the court hearing and refused me contact.

I managed to get limited contact quite soon after, and following a CAFCASS report a year later this has been increased further so my situation is much better than yours, but the level of contact I have bears no relationship to the level of involvement I had in my daughter’s life before she was taken by her mother. I fear that both of or daughters will have been emotionally scarred by the sudden removal or curtailment of one of most important relationships in their life. It is known that the nature of our early relationships in life have a profound impact on our adult relationships – it isn’t just mother/child relationships that are important but also other key ‘attachment’ figures in the child’s life.

I’m really glad to see Phoebe’s comment. I’ve come to the conclusion that women hold the key to changing the present sad state of affairs. Men’s protests are too often taken as sour grapes or the rantings of a bunch of sad loonies and losers. Sadly, the biggest losers are children. Every woman that I speak to knows of cases where mothers abuse the family courts and treat their children as tools to take vengance on their former partners – sometimes for financial gain and sometimes simply for revenge. It needs women to speak out and say ‘this dreadful family law is harming our nation’s children and it must be changed’ and men need to campaign responsibly and articulately – such as the campaigning on this web site.

Phoebe, there is a simple answer to who is advising these women – there is advice on websites, by word of mouth, and from unprincipled solicitors.

John, reading your story brought tears to my eyes as it brought back to me some of my own worst moments – suddenly finding the house empty and my daughters bedroom stripped; the empty nights when just a days before I would have heard my daughter calling ‘Daddy’ in the night; getting up to an empty house instead of hearing my daughter calling ‘Daddy, where are you?’

Before my own experience I would have condemned any father who gave up on their children in these cicumstances but I now understand the almost limitless strength needed to carry on in the face of rotten law, rotten courts and a vengeful mother. I hope that you can find that strength.

How, I wonder, would mothers know to take this course of action? Who, I wonder, is advising them to commit these crimes?

One thing is for sure: the advice is malicious and hurtful.

How many children must suffer before we wake up and treat both parents with the respect that the children want to see paid them?